Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Storm Before My Blessing....

Over the course of the last 2 years, my life has been an emotional whirlwind but worth every challenge I faced. In January 2012, after 10 years of marriage, I decided to divorce not realizing the repercussions my soul would suffer or the emotional pain I'd endure. 

After my divorce, I kept moving right along in life fell in love and got engaged to a wonderful man who made me feel complete in every sense of the word. He met all my needs emotionally, part of what was lacked in my previous marriage or at least I thought. Never once however, did I stop to take a deep look inside myself at my true brokenness and I was only setting myself up for more disappointment. Due to circumstances beyond my control, my heart became overwhelmed with grief which forced me to listen to that still small voice inside, telling me I wasn't ready to remarry. I called off my wedding and chose to listen to GOD and seek his will for my life which I had previously ignored but first I needed healing. Anger and guilt were my two biggest areas I had to surrender to God if I ever wanted to be emotionally free.   

ANGER:
At first I didn't recognize it as I had consumed myself with work, school, my son, and my new found love. Instead of taking the time to properly heal from my divorce or seek GOD about it, I simply put a band-aid over it to not expose my wound. What I should of been doing was looking inward at all my discontentment and unhappiness in lieu of what my outward appearance looked like which was happy. God showed me it was okay to be angry because it's a sign of our human nature and that it's not wrong as long as we respond to it correctly. Ephesians 4:31 states, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." I never addressed my anger from the divorce and it took root in my heart, causing me to blame others for my own faults and unhappiness, when I should have given it to God and allowed him to heal my hurt. 

GUILT
I must have asked myself a thousand times the same questions. What could I have done better? What was my fault in the marriage? Where did I go wrong? What do others think of me? Does God still love me? How could I move past this, how could GOD ever use me now? The answer to all these questions is Gods grace and forgiveness. Psalms 32:5 states, "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you will forgave the guilt of my sin." You see God loves us so much and his love is unconditional. 

The healing process was a painful journey in which I had to allow God to do a deep cleaning of my heart. Surrendering total control of my life to God was necessary in order for him to work in and through me. It has been amazing to draw close to him and let my creator love me and I wonder why I ever held back. All this time I thought I could do it in my own strength but I couldn't of been further from the truth. In our weakness his strength is made perfect. God has given me such a peace and healed my broken heart revealing that if I trust him completely, he will turn my sorrow into joy. I'm so thankful for Gods unconditional love and mercy. He restored me and healed my deep rooted wounds and spoke his truth to my heart. 

For those wondering or asking yourself, will I ever feel whole again, the answer is YES! Remember, Gods love is unconditional and he accepts us just as we are. He is there to pick up the broken pieces and RESTORE us. Jeremiah 29:11-13 states, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Sometimes we make a mess of our lives because we think we know what's best, what we want, or what we need forgetting to check-in with God. We let our heads do the thinking all the while God is waiting for us to seek him in TRUTH. When we take things into our own hands, it's been my experience, we end up on our knees begging God to fix our problems. It seems to me we could of saved ourselves a lot of grief had we sought Gods guidance and divine wisdom. In the end we will see our rainbow...

On February 28, 2015, I married the man I had been engaged to 2 years ago. There is no doubt in my mind my journey was necessary in order to be the godly wife God created me to be in marriage. God has joined us together to be used for his glory and given both of us a powerful testimony to encourage other families.  I have a 6 year old son from my previous marriage who simply adores and loves his step-dad. The daily challenges we face as a blended family are not always easy but the joy we share in living lives totally surrendered to God is priceless. Being married is an adjustment in and of itself and with raising a child, well let me just say God keeps us on our toes!  My hope is you've been encouraged knowing God has you covered. His plans are better than anything we could think of on our own and by his grace we are victors!!